Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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