I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
