It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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