I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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