(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
