I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
