My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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