i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
