Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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