They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
