In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
