Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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