apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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