Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
