if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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