It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
