my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
