The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
