I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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