2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
