i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
As shirtless as possible
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize