Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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