it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
