Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
