I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
