The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
