OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
