am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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