Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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