The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
