I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
