Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
