Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
