so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize