dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
