We're facebook friends in real life
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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