Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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