Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I deserve this hangover.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
