what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize