no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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