don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
