I'm pants shitting drunk right now
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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