whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
