Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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