There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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