Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
