We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
