Umm I'm too high to move.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
