A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
