i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
