Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
