I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
