we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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