normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize