it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
