Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
