every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
