Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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