im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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