Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
