yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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