hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
