Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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