I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Randomize
