Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
