I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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