I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize