how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
