I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
