The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
