she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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