The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
