is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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