good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize