I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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