im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
