Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
