ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
