I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
