A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
