then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize