Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
did i just pee glitter
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