Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
