I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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