I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
