it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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