What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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