Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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