It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
a search helicopter?!
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
