strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just found puke in my bra..
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I need to calm my uterus...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
