it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
