He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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