why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
