My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
