I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
