I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
