His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
