He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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