You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
it hurts more in the daytime
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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