We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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