hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
