If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
