Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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