If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he shaved USA in his pubs
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
