what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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