remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
